I’m not sure many of you know, but I have OCD. No, it’s not that I’m “particular” about where things are or how things are cleaned – or that I have to have things all lined up “just right”. It is a true disorder. The reason I am bringing it up is because many people aren’t aware that this is a serious disorder and many people suffer from it. I am one of them.
I am not sure how it all started, but I have had some really rough days over the years; especially lately. So much so, that I have started to go to therapy again. Back a few years ago (when we found out about my Dad’s drug problem originally and with the stress of all that came with that), I started to go to a therapist. He was amazing. He thought me a lot, and it really helped to talk to someone that was unaware of my life and what was going on. A fresh look.
I have dealt with several types of this disorder – but the most frustrating and really difficult ..is the intrusive thoughts. OCD is one of those disorders that just debilitates me. It’s something that I don’t even wish on my worst enemy; which I don’t really wish anything on anyone since I’m not that type of person. But seriously. I remember being pregnant and worrying about what would happen after I had Jonah. I don’t want him to have this.
I know with God’s grace & help I will get through – I have before. I have been “better” ..but after having Jonah it’s just been very difficult for me. I am fortunate that I have a loving husband that supports me and understands me and tries to help. I don’t think God could’ve put a better man in my life. What I’ve decided to do, in addition to the therapy, is start working out again. I need to. It’s been a while since I’ve put in my Cathe DVDs ..so I think it’s time 🙂
I just wanted to be open and frank about this to you guys. I am not even sure who is reading my blogs, but I want this to be an encouragement. I also want people to know that you don’t have to be ashamed to get “help”. I know I’m not. I know I need help – and not only is it in a physical/mental-sense but also in the spiritual. And quite honestly, I think everyone needs to see a therapist. Seriously. God put those people in those fields for a reason. I know He put my Dr. in the position he is in for a reason – and he has been a Blessing to many woman in the natural-birthing world 🙂
So I end this post just with a line of encouragement from the Lord. I know through the midst of things I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard. It really is. But I know that my Savior loves and cherishes me so much. He doesn’t want any of his children to suffer – and that’s not just in a physical-sense. It can be mentally – like with OCD.
“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”